Tuesday, 5 February 2008


This post was written with a rather heavy heart.

The Mrs was informed by our friend to watch the news yesterday as there was something about a maid abusing the baby under her care. Best part was the entire abuse was captured on camera.

Since we did not see the sms until much later we missed the news altogether. I was surfing the net and I came across a blog that had the link to the videos.

Disclaimer: In case you have not seen them and you are thinking of seeing them now, be warned! You know how I always joke about when I put up a disclaimer but this time I really mean it.

It is not very violent, not like there is blood or anything but from a father’s or any parents’ point of view it is bad enough. I think the word I am looking for that best describes my feeling is disturbing. Yes, that’s it! I find the video disturbing!

I find anyone who can lay their hands on any innocent baby to be really disturbing!

So if you are prepared to have the disturbing image in your thoughts for the next few hours then by all means watch them. There are altogether 6 videos but I believe 2 of them are the same.

Maid abusing baby videos

At the time of preparing this post I am still undecided on whether the Mrs should watch them or not. After all we have a maid whose primary role is taking care of Isaac. The last thing I want is for her to be paranoid.

When I watched the videos, I can’t help but to imagine Isaac being the victim. Seeing that their sizes are about the same plus the videos did not capture the baby’s face well, it is not difficult to superimpose Isaac’s face there. So when I saw the maid doing what she did to my Isaac, my heart just sank.

I guess being a father has changed me in more ways than one because I surprised even myself when I realized that the first reaction I got from watching the video was not anger towards the maid. Rather, it was a sense of guilt towards Isaac. I felt extremely sorry for letting such harm come to him. I can actually imagine his innocence big round eyes looking at me, questioning where was I when all this happened!

There were of course some discussion going on that the maid should be given the benefit of the doubt and a fair trial. While I agree that she should be given a fair trial before her sentencing, she should not have done that to the baby no matter what.

Granted she could be overworked or even ill treated by her employers but to take it out on the baby does not make it right.

A personal experience is my SIL’s maid. Not too long ago she was caught pinching the baby’s buttock just because she could not stop him from crying. It must have been going on for a while because the baby's buttock was bruised! We later found out from our maid, Vera that she had no idea she was going to take care of a baby when she was offered this job. I blame the maid agency largely for this although my in-laws should have conducted some kind of interview with her and let her understand her roles before she accepts the job.

We did the same with Vera. The Mrs spelt out very clearly that her primary duty is to take care of Isaac and she will be sent to my mum’s place during the day when we work and only return with us after dinner. The Mrs even made Vera repeat what she thought her duties were.

My SIL was so mad that she threatened to call the police (may be overacting a little) and send her back to the agency (this I agree). I do not know what happened after that but it seemed the maid begged for forgiveness and was given a second chance. I admire them of allowing her to stay because to be very honest, I am not sure if I can do it.

Another incident happened to my neighbour although probably not as serious, depending on how you look at it. They realised that they have some money missing along with an old handphone so they questioned their new maid and searched her belongings and true enough she took them. But what really broke the camel's back was they found a picture of their boy stick to the bottom of her flip flops. So she had been walking and "stepping" on their boy all along. Wonder what kind of Voodoo or Hoodoo was she practicing. My neighbour put it across very simply for us. She can tolerate anything rubbish from her maid but the minute she senses her boy is in danger then she'll show no mercy.

This is what I was trying to tell the Mrs, that we, employers are under the mercy of our maids sometimes. So whenever she made any request, if it is not asking for too much or out of the ordinary, I will try my very best to accommodate her because the last thing I want is to antagonize her and have Isaac bear the consequence.


Anonymous said...

Hi, I saw the video, and like you, I could not understand how anybody could treat an inocent and defenceless baby the way the maid did. I guess the impact is even stronger for parents with new borns like us. In any case, I do not want to know or experience the guilt and pain the parents of the abused baby must be feeling now. And we can only hope that the baby has not been too seriously injured by the maid's actions. I guess when we have no choice but to rely on any outsider's help to care for our baby, we are always held ransom by them. All we can do is to be extra vigilant, and hope for the best.

Anonymous said...


i watched the video on the news and as i watched, chills ran down my spine and my heart ached badly for the baby. how could a human being be so senseless and treat a baby this way!! i found the video very disturbing too, esp the part where the maid toss the poor baby in the air. as a mum, i really feel for the child and the parents, no parents would ever want such thing to happen to their child.

you mentioned in your post your maid is going over to your mum's place in the day with Issac so meaning there will be someone keeping watch at all time? if that is so, things ain't that bad. at least your mum will be there to supervise your maid. dun worry too much, just keep a close eye on her.

Anonymous said...

Yeap agreed with missy, you're not leaving Isaac at the mercy of a stranger -- your mum is around. :)

I'm curious about the slipper + picture story... I let my girl play with our photos all the time, so it's not inconceivable that a picture could end up on the wrong side of someone's shoe.

missmoon said...

I completely agree with you on that feeling part - I felt disturbed by the videos. After watching 2 of them, I couldn't bring myself to watch the rest. To treat another human being, a small and helpless one at that, is certainly not a normal move.

My mother cares for my 19 months old son, and the maid helps with the household chores. This is a conscious decision that my husband and I made.

Like this video incident, I have heard of many horror stories from friends and friends' friends (while I know there are nice maids out there who genuinely care for the little ones, it is hard to ignore the fact that there are others out there who do harm to them).

For another selfish reason too, I am afraid that my child will become too attached to the maid. Haha, call me paranoid but I would rather prevent than to break.

I am sure that with your folks around at home, you can safely put your worries aside and be sure that Issac will be well taken care of :)

Happy lunar new year!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi, the videos bring home the fact that leaving a baby home alone with the maid (a stranger) is "abandoning" him for 8 hours at least to we-don't-know-what...The baby can't tell us whatever unspeakable tortures he was put through over the 5 working days while we the parents are out. Bottomline, NEVER leave a baby home alone with a maid/stranger. All the best to all parents and be vigilant always. HE

Jovan said...

agreed with the rest, i can't imagine how can a person abused the baby like that? Though she may not be happy with the treatment from the employer, but that doesnt give her an excuse to abuse a baby who can barely defend for himself! When I saw the video, i couldn't bring myself to watch the 2nd clip and I didn't even finish the first one cos seeing the way the maid fling and toss the baby, kicking the sarong till the baby's head was hit againist the furniture. I couldn't watch anymore. What if that baby is my boy?
After this incident, my mil told me that my cousin in law's maid kept a copy of her son's birth cert. God know what she doing with the kid's birth cert though it's a photocopied of it.

viv said...

i watched the video too but i only watched part 1 and couldnt go on anymore...

dont even dare to imagine if this happen to my girl..i will never forgive myself for putting her "in danger"

anyway, count myself very lucky that my mum is able to help look after my girl. Who etc can be trusted beside our own parents???

Lionel n Rachel said...

hi...since a long time.... yeah...saw the video too...very very disturbing & heartaching...really cannot understand why did the maid do tis? alot speculated dat she was being ill treated but still....hw can she hv the heart to do tis to a defenceless baby.... OMG!

after watching the video, i teared & ran to my room where rachel was sleeping & hugged her...

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Roanne,

Sorry for late response but I was really tied up.

I'm all with you on the extra vigilant part that is why we never allow Vera (our maid) to be alone with Isaac. There will always be another person around to supervise.

I actually sat down and showed her the videos and explained to her that for the maid to do that is very silly. If she was unhappy or if she was ill treated then all she had to do was to ask for a change in employer. By doing what she did she will end up going to jail and for what?!

I believe she sees my point.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Missy,

I was shocked when I saw the baby in the air too!! I agree with you that no parents want their child to go through that. Like I said, I will feel extremely if it were to happen to Isaac.

Yeah, my mum or dad will always be around during the day. Although we sent Vera for formal training in TMC, we still insist that she only baths Isaac when my mum is around.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Evelyn,

So did you check under the slippers? I did not mean to scare you because you may have a good maid so I really do not want you to get paranoid.

It was merely a story which happened to my neighbour.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Missmoon,

As disturbed as I was I still watched all 6 videos.

Good that your mum is able to take care of your baby. In our case my mum is there all the time during bathing, feeding and burping. So in a way my mum is sharing the load almost 50 - 50 with her.

I know what you mean about your baby being too attached to the maid. Till now, almost 2 months, we are still caring for baby as long as we are at home. We change and feed Isaac ourselves. We understand that this is our only bonding time with him so it is very precious.

The plan is hopefully we can afford for the Mrs to stay at home once Baby turns 2 because I believe that that is the time he will absorb like a sponge so I prefer it is one of us who instill the right value in him.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi He,

I guess we, including the parents of the victim know and understand the danger involved when we leave our babies with a stranger.

Unfortunately due to circumstances some of us have no choice but to do it.

I have heard of friends who had to leave their baby with their new maid while they go to work and that was because their parents are not able to care for them.

These parents must be in a real dilemma now.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Jovan mummy,

Like I mentioned to Roanne, I actually sat down with my maid and watched the 6 videos together.

While we watched I mentioned to her that the maid is lucky that the baby was not fatally wounded otherwise she may be imprisoned for a very long time.

I told her that as maids, they have the power to choose their employers too. I honestly hope she understands what I was saying.

Your cousin did not find out why her maid wants a copy of the birth cert? 4D perhaps?!

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi viv,

Like you I am very glad my parents as well as my in-laws are able to help us supervise our maid and care for Baby.

The best part is they are not doing it as an obligation. They genuinely want to spend time with their grandson.

I know for a fact that my parents will miss Isaac when we do not go to their place during the weekends.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Yvonne,

I understand how you felt after watching because I wanted to hold Isaac so much too but alias I was in the office.

I think the effect on all of us would have been much worst had there been voice with the video recording as well. I can imagine the chills running down my spine had I been able to hear the baby cry.

I shuddle just from thinking about it.

Anonymous said...

Hullo! Hehe I don't have a maid, only a part-time housekeeper.

The reason I was curious is why your neighbour assumed there was something shady behind the photo-under-slipper incident, instead of considering that it could've been an accident. Sorry I wasn't clear before. :)

Am off to read your latest post now, take care!

Jovan said...

hi, we are not sure what the maid want to do with a photocopied birth cert. Anyway, she was sent back to the agent immediately after this....

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Jovan mummy,

She got sent back for asking for the baby's birth cert?!

Wow! It seems kind of harsh to me.