Friday, 7 March 2008


Last weekend was really fun for us because we invited a few friends over to our place. We have this gathering once in a while to catch up but instead of the usual eating out at some new fanciful restaurant I got them to pot luck at my place instead.

The main reason for this was Isaac was originally scheduled to go for his 5 in 1 jab on Friday so we were preparing for him to get feverish and cranky so we figured we had better stay indoor.

As it turned out our new PD, Dr Belinda said that we have the option to wait another month or two before giving him the jab. This is a good idea to me since he will be stronger and probably happier by then also. So in the end all the mental preparations came to nothing.

Anyway since all the arrangements had been made so we decided to carry on with the pot luck. I wouldn't bore you with the details such as who brought what but overall we had loads of fun and Mike along with his wife Kat (the people we met at Ikea when the Mrs was doing her unconfined-ment) chatted till after midnight. It was fun because we dug up old secondary school photos and passed around. Man, we all looked really silly back then. Mike actually said if he can go back through time then he will smack himself silly for dressing and posing the way he did. Admit it you will do that to yourself too won’t you? I know I will.

So that was Saturday.

On Sunday we met Mike and Kat for movie and dinner. The Movie was Fool’s Gold, another chick flick but I have to say a pretty bad one. Nowhere near "How to lose a guy in 10 days". That's for sure! So if you have not wasted your money on it then wait for the DVD and I mean rent it not buy it.

Dinner was Nasi Padang at the Rendezvous Hotel and that was the most expensive Nasi Padang I had ever eaten. The bill came up to about S$120 for the 4 of us although we did have about 9 to 10 dishes. I told Mike we shall go to the one opposite Great World City the next time. It has more variety and way cheaper too!

It was generally a good evening but the Mrs was in a hurry to return home because she felt guilty that we had left Isaac with my mum. She felt bad for 2 things. Firstly for inconveniencing my mum and secondly (mainly) she felt we should have spent more time with Isaac since it was the weekend after all.

She felt that as it is we are already very busy during the week so weekend should be spent with Isaac.

So when is it a good time, if ever there is one to leave your child in someone else’s care while you take a breather with friends? Or are we doomed to be our children’s slaves from the moment they are born?

Personally I did not and still do not feel as strongly as the Mrs about our little outing. For the record we were away for about 6 hours but the way I look at it, we are not doing this every weekend. I told her that we need some time for ourselves too so I proposed that we meet up with friends once a month without Baby and just do adult stuffs like going to places that are not children friendly.

Maybe this is the distinctive difference between the Man and the Woman; Mars and Venus; the Dad and the Mum. This is also maybe why in the animal kingdom the males will have no issue leaving the young behind and go source for food or in some cases a new mate (sad to say this is also applicable to a few humans too) while the females stay behind and protect the young.

I guess in many instances we are all still very primitive. Perhaps it is the carrying of the child that made the difference. After all the Mums had a 40 week head start and with body parts connected no less.

Speaking of 40 weeks, I wonder if the pregnant guy has given birth already. Those of you who have been following this blog will know whom I'm talking about. Maybe he will be all teary too when he has to leave his young behind and go source for food. As for those of you that do not know, you will have to read my old posts cause I forgot where I mentioned about him too!


Anonymous said...

Mummy being Mummy...It is simply the maternal instinct I guess. But I think you are right in a way that sometimes we need a breather once in a while. Mainly to take time off to enjoy each other's company (I mean you and your wife) and to catch up with friends too. But I will choose a place near my house so that I can cut short my traveling time. Like once, I asked my friends to meet at Punggol Park for dinner since there is a nice cafe there. We had a good 3-4 hours chat before I head back for his next feed. :)

Anonymous said...

My husband and I were hesitant to leave baby with anyone in her first six months. My mum wasn't an option then, and my mum-in-law was skeptical of our ideas then, such as not forcing bb to finish all her milk. So we felt it was best to establish routines, etc on our own.

Anyway, we fixed the problem by taking her everywhere with us, from the time she was 3 months old. Think she used to nap from 9pm to 11 or 12+, so we'd bring along two milk feeds and head out to dinner with friends, once or twice a week. The real conversation would kick in when she napped, and she would usually be in a good mood when she woke up and fed.

At 18mths, things have changed, and we appreciate my mum in law's help now. We leave bb in her care at least thrice a week to jam and hang with our band mates, for about 5-6 hours at a stretch. The guilt we feel is not about bb, but about taxing my mum-in-law. (Although I'm speaking as a work-at-home mum, so I do spend a lot more time with my kid.)

missmoon said...

To make time for the little one isn't always easy. In some ways, he's still too young to understand or know, I suppose but the guilt sets in because we're adults and we know. Once a month is all right...i think. Ha...I cannot remember the last time I met my friends over dinner or coffee. I try to meet friends or do stuff on a weeknite and leave weekends all for my little one. I used to feel guilty for working late and not spending time with him. But you know, on hindsight, he was too little to appreciate that little fact. Now that he's much older and more aware of everything around him, my guilt has compounded and escalated.

Missy & Jav said...

hahaha... i guess all mummies are the same!! i do feel the same way as Mrs when my son was younger and i had to go out for some 'ME' time. i still remember both my and hubby went for a short BKK trip when my son was only 3mths old and i missed him badly! since then, we never leave home without him until up about he was 1yr old. and every now and then, i do meet my friends for dinner but we make it a point to fetch him home every nite.

i believe its the quality and not quantity of time that we spend with my little ones.

Aces Family said...

Well, i guess being a 1st time mom, there is always a sense of guilt of not spending enough time with our little baby, the same applys to Mrs.

I was like that when i had Anthea. Wanting to spend 24/7 with her. One day, DH "knocked" some senses into me. He said : "Dear, you have a LIFETIME to love & pamper her".

From there onwards, i learn to relax a bit.Spending couples time is also crucial for parenthood and being away for a short while does not make you a bad parents. : )


Trina said...

this is also a situation that me n my hb face. Being a FTWM, weekends are the only times i get to spend extended time with my son. Though I prob spent a lot of the time disciplining him and feeling tired end of each day, I still look forward to weekends.

For time out with hb, we'll take a day or 1/2 day off work, and have a date of lunch and movie or something while he's in school. Sometimes we also deposit him with my parents if we go out during weekends or PH. These outings prob work out to be about once a month. But no matter what, we'll always bring him back home to sleep at night, so that means no late night out, as a couple that is. If one of us is meeting friends over dinner, the other will babysit.

That said, think mummies' minds will be on the kid more often than the dads.. :p

Nicole said...

Hi Dylan,
The guilt that parents feel is something others can't understand unless they're parents themselves. I have friends who told me ' you should have some free time of your own, you know?' As if I don't know but the thing is that, I simply can't find time, at least for now.

The guilt that mummy feel will naturally be alot more than the daddy. That's the reason why woman are the ones giving birth. You know, back then, when I was pregnant with Claire, we(daddy and I) were still wondering who to take care of claire while I work(i thought of going back to work then) but unfornately, my mum is working and can only be back at 10am. So there's a 1 hour difference if I choose a 9-6 job. So daddy told me' Aiya,only 1 hour what, just let the baby at home on her own for a while'. Imagine my shock and disbelief when he said that. He had thought that there's a very sound plan. To me, that's simply ridiculous. So, now you know, why women are the ones giving birth and filled with maternal instincts. *smiles*

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Reishi,

There is really nothing much near my house so we will continue to meet in town. Anyway from our home to town is only 15 -20 mins driving so not too bad.

Baby is on formula most of the time so feeding is not really a big issue. So we do not have to rush back specially for that.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Evelyn,

I understand sometimes it is difficult to explain to others the routines and methods you want for your baby and expect them to stick by it. Thankfully my mum is pretty liberal on how we want to raise Isaac.

Truthfully we would like to bring Isaac everywhere with us because we are so proud of him and also we like to spend more time with him as well. However sometimes it just cannot be done, e.g. going to the movies. I don't think Isaac will be joining us at the movies any time soon.

I can't imagine 18 months but I guess it will have its own set of problems such as being more mature he may miss us more so we may have problem leaving him behind.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Cynthia,

Wow!! Have not met up with friends over dinner and coffee for a long time huh?! This cannot go on, you need to go out and live your life too. You must have at least have couple time with your husband alone.

I can imagine that being older he will understand your absence hence it will be harder.

Guess I'll learn to cross that bridge when I come to it.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Jerene,

I honestly do not think I can go to BKK for a few days without Isaac. I believe if I really have to go then he will come along.

As it is, I will miss him when at work and look forward to going home to see him.

Like you I will make it a point to bring him home each night. Then again the latest we went out was till 9.30pm so no reason not to bring him home right? He is asleep most of the time anyway.

Good take on the quality and not quantity bit.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Astee,

I do agree with your husband on having a lifetime to love and pamper him.

Spending couple time is definitely crucial cause I do not want Isaac to affect what the Mrs and I already have. In anything he is here to strengthen and build upon it.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Trina,

Disciplining him?! How old is your boy?

The Mrs had to go back to work early from maternity so it gives you an idea how difficult it will be for her to take half day leave.

Leaving him with my parents in-laws will not be an issue. The "problem" seems to be with the Mrs and it was only recently that I realised there is this sense of guilt that exist within you mummies.

I'm sure the Mrs will learn to lighten up and relax a little.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Nicole,

I can tell from your blog that your hands are really tied now and that you are still learning to tend to both your princesses at the same time.

I have to admit your husband's reaction to leaving Claire on her own for an hour was funny. I cannot imagine what the Mrs will do to me should I suggest the same.

Anyway you take great care of yourself since both your girls are not feeling well.

Trina said...

keke... my son's coming to 3 years old liao, so v active (and destructive!). on side topic of discipline, u can start telling them the reasons for things u do as young as 6 months old. they do not understand, and cannot vocalise, but they're absorbing the concept if u reinforce it.

It's up to the individual mummy when and how much she can let go of her grasp. At the initial stage I was even adamant that I should be giving all his milk feeds (was Bfg then), not even expressing it.. :p but have to learn to let go gradually, so that it'll be easier when he exerts his independence, or when years down someone else takes ur place in his/her heart.. :p

Nicole said...

Hi Dylan,
Ya, my hands are totally tied up with my two girls. So I'm really looking forward to the days where Cleo doesn't fuss as much.

From the way you mentioned about my girls being sick, it seems that you're quite updated on reading my blog. I guess you take the effort to read all the mummies's blogs who visit yours. That's nice. *smiles*

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Trina,

Wow! 3 now?! I can't imagine Isaac being 3. Just last night I was telling the Mrs that I'm enjoying Isaac being this young and small. I think they're cuter at this age plus I can hold him in my arms and let him sleep too.

The Mrs was like you in wanting to breastfeed all the time but she realised that it is not always possible so she had to let it go. It wasn't easy but I'm glad she did not suffer post natal blues from it. Ha Ha

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Nicole,

Yeah, I like to read what is going on with your lives as well. So I read up on all those blogs that I know of.

I think I have about 30 blogs listed in my favourites / blogs. Luckily most of them do not update their blogs everyday otherwise I don't think I can ever catch up.

So all you other ladies out there, if you have a blog that I am not aware of you are welcome to announce it here so we can all read it. If you're too shy then you can always email me so at least I get to read it. Hee Hee

Anonymous said...

Wow, talking about the movies, my husband and I have not stepped into a movie theatre since baby's birth, and that used to be one of our favourite things to do.

I had to leave bb with hubby + MIL, even an aunt/cousin, from the first month onwards, because I was taking night classes 3x a week. I used to leave a million instructions for everyone, but I've eased up a lot.

Socially, I've found there are few friends that enjoy bb's company; we only have two such friends, guys, who are genuinely delighted when we bring her along, even going to the extent of helping us entertain and feed her.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi evelyn,

Talk about movie being favourite thing to do. The Mrs is not too big on movies. Only certain shows will interest her so I tend to watch many shows by myself. Friends find it funny but to me its all the same since I do not talk during the show anyway.

I couldn't agree with you more on the bit about friends not genuinely thrilled with Isaac's presence. Don't get me wrong. It's not like they dislike him. It's just that they do not know what to do with him besides the usual "orh.... so cute!". I think maybe only parents will truly appreciate the presence of a child.

Truth be told I was like that too! Hmmm.... maybe I am still like that with others' kids. Ha Ha

Anonymous said...

Hi Dylan,

I think it's alright to leave baby with parents for a few hrs. Frens aside, i think couple times are impt too... Moreover, i belive ur mum welcome that few hrs of bonding with her gandchild too. =)

I agree with you that men & women (dads & mums) are generally different - our Maker's design. However, both 'combined' shld normally strike a balance. =)

To Nicole,

I almost fell off my chair when i read ur hubby's suggestion of leaving baby at hm for an hour. LOL. I guess as an experienced dad now, he won't suggest the same again. =)

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi nana,

You are right about my parents welcoming spending a few hours with Isaac. In fact they get disappointed when they do not get to see him during Saturdays.

Again, couldn't agree with you more on the bit on Male and Female together will strike a balance. If you ask me, I believe this balance thing is also very important for any marriage.

I had a good laugh when I saw Nicole's comment too!