Monday, 22 October 2007


I was once sent for a sales training course a few years ago with my previous job. It was more of a motivational refresher course than a sales technique training. The course was for 3 days and I enjoyed myself quite a fair bit because besides getting away from office for a few days I also get to meet other sales people from the various industries and learn a little more about their business.

I also truly believe that it is important for sales people to go for some motivational course every once in a while because for most sales people there will come a time when their morale will be rather low or they may simply lose that motivation and the drive that they initially possessed. These motivational courses are like fuel to keep their mind and heart going for another period of time.

During this training we were taught to think of ourselves as eagles and in order to fly high and far we need to dissociate ourselves with the chickens. The analogy is we are all born as eagles but if we stick with the chickens then they will influence us to think that like them, although we have wings we will never be able to fly. In other words we will never reach our full potential.

This is also the reason why the rich and successful are getting richer and more successful because they always associate themselves with one another. They learn and encourage each other instead of getting discouraged and disheartened by receiving all the negative feedbacks and pessimism from those who dare not even try.

You can tell the chickens from the eagles in your life rather easily. If you have an idea or business plan, the chickens will be the ones to discourage you and instead of being supportive and look at things in a more constructive and positive manner, they will tell you 1001 ways why your idea will fail and you should just be happy and contented with what you have and where you are now.

I do not know about you but I have come across many chickens in my life. One example was two of my ex-colleagues. We were all at our annual sales conference and this time the company invited a guest to talk to us on people and their different personalities. He generally broke it down into 4 categories and identified them by colours. We termed this the colour training. I am sure some of you readers have been through this before. A person will usually have all 4 colours in them but we were taught to look and identify which is his primary one. Once we can identify that then we will know how best to sell him.

Anyway the company arranged for the speaker to come to our office to coach the remaining staffs that missed out on the sales conference because they were not required to attend. Now these 2 ex-colleagues tried so hard to discourage another colleague from attending. They were telling him it will be a waste of his time (even though it will be conducted during office hours) and not useful etc. So this person made up some excuse and missed the training without realizing that it could have been useful for him. Clearly this person is a chicken too for being dissuaded so easily.

Personally I do not think these chickens are necessarily bad people. To me they either do not have the hunger to succeed in life or are too afraid of failure to even try. They can be good buddies when it comes to recreational stuffs like a beer or a game or two of golf and tennis but it should really remain just that.

The reason I bring this up is because over the weekend the Mrs told me that recently she has been hearing too many negative stories of mishaps during childbirth which resulted in the babies being hurt.

She is in the service industry so she deals with many people on a daily basis and some of them are very nice and genuinely excited for us being pregnant. These people will share with her their experiences, first hand or otherwise and will tell the Mrs to take care and not overwork etc.

Then there is the other group of people. It is not that they are not nice because they are also genuinely happy for us. Unfortunately they do not know the negative impact their stories will have on a pregnant lady.

One of the stories goes like this. A friend’s friend (aren’t most stories related in this way?) was all good and fine during the entire pregnancy period. All the scans and tests came back alright. Gynae has no reason to believe that there should be any concern for both mother and baby. Unfortunately during labour, something went wrong (story teller doesn’t know what was the problem or complication) and as a result the baby had chest infections.

Another story from another person; this lady and her baby were both doing good that is up till labour where the mum’s waste somehow went to the baby resulting in his brain being damaged.

Now my question is this, since both the incidents are not preventable by the mummies in the first place why bring it up? To me unless it is something that we can learn from and take the necessary precautions otherwise these people should not be mentioning such stories. Their intentions may be good but all they achieve are leaving the mummies to wonder will the same happen to their babies.

I have told the Mrs to stop them from continuing as soon as she can sense that it is another negative story. Politely tell them that she has been hearing too many horror stories and it is directly affecting her and our baby so unless it has a happy ending she is not interested.

Did you know that people in general seem to like sad and negative stories? You can try this on your own. Take the daily newspaper and mark in red any stories that are negative and you will realize that today’s newspapers are selling us negative stories.

Perhaps this is the reason why most people like to share and relate only the negative stories. Do give it a little thought before you relate any story to the next person.


Lionel n Rachel said...

halo...u're right, ignore those negative stories on wat's gonna or will happen. ear in ear out, do not process!

instead tink abt happy stuff like: "oh! where to put this wall papers for the baby's room, wat color shall we choose for bb's wardrobe, wat color clothing will bb be wearing on his discharge, shall daddy take fotos when bb arrives into this world...... imagine the gleeful look on everyone's face when bb's first cry is heard, the thot of cuddling bb in ur arms, bb's, mummy's tears of joy; and yes when bb close his/her little fingers ard urs...ooooo... a heart warming scene...a bundle of love & happiness... the list goes on...

hope this gives a u a special feeling while waiting for bb's arrival. sorry..i'm not very gd at words but i hope u know wat i mean. cheers!

Anonymous said...

Ha! I wonder if I too have been guilty of recounting my labour experience with glee!

But I really enjoyed the chicken/eagle analogy. Quite uncanny, because my husband and I were having a similar conversation lately, about the need to keep a certain company to ensure we stay positive and motivated.

Anonymous said...

Heh, I really like your eagle and chicken theory. I am also in a sales job so I can really relate to what you have written. :)

Think these people are just trying to be nice to share these stories with us MTBs but sometimes they may have forgotten that it may cause unnecessary worries.

Just ignore them! That is my motto. Shut them off. Ignorance can be a bliss sometimes. :D

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi yvonne,

Yeah, I know we must try and ignore these negative stories but I think it is easier said then done or perhaps we are 1st time parents hence a little more anxious and worried.

Actually what you have suggested are what we learned during HypnoBirthing class. It is called Positive Affirmations. The Mrs has to think and picture how easy the birth will be etc.

Don't worry about good with words or not because bottom line is we understand what you are driving at and we can feel your sincerity and concerns.


A Husband's Voice said...

Hi evelyn,

Actually most of us are guilty of relating bad experiences one time or another. Important thing is we must make sure there must be something to take away from these stories before sharing them.

So you and your husband are eagles huh?! Well now you know where to look for other eagles.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi reishi,

So you are in sales too huh?! Well try and share this eagle and chicken analogy and hopefully you can keep each other motivated.

Like I said in my post I do not believe they are bad people. I know they are geniunely happy for us but they have to be a little more sensitive towards MTB's feeling.

Instead of simply ignoring them I prefer the Mrs to tell them that she has heard of too many negative stories and it is affecting her and Baby (politely of course). Hopefully it will cause them to be a little more sensitive towards future MTB.

Anonymous said...

rem when i was pregnant for the 1st time, a colleague wanted to list down items of "dont's" (don't do this, don't do that) for me... i told her, "thanks, but no thanks".

I believe most (if not all) MTBs hv similar experiences as ur Mrs. Sometimes, we can stop pple fm telling us negative stuffs, sometimes it may seems impolite to do so. I guess we juz hv to exercise some wisdom to filter the info fed to us... I know it's easier said than done, esp for 1st time mums... so now it's ur job to influence ur Mrs to be an eagle.... hehe... (thanks for sharing this analogy)

As for the infection thingy, i learnt fm the gynae that if the baby is overdue, chances of the mummy's waste going to the baby - & causing the baby to hv an infection is higher. That's why some of them recommend induction at probably 40weeks or earlier... sharing this as i think it's good for knowledge (or perhaps u already know?), not to be negative huh... =)

Anonymous said...

This is not related to the post, but your mention of hypnobirthing reminded me of something. I didn't go for the classes, but I had the Marie Mongan book and mp3 versions of the CD tracks, which I'd stored on my iPod. But guess what, on the day of labour, I hadn't charged my iPod, and it went flat about 15 minutes after I reached the hospital and started trying to calm myself! Something to remember if your room doesn't have a CD player :)

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi nana,

yeah, I'm sure most if not all MTBs would have been exposed to these negative stories and experiences.

It is rather hard to filter them out. It is the same as telling the Jury to ignore what was said in court by the judge. I mean what was heard can't be unheard right?

Anyway I think the best way to deal with this is to thanks these people for their concerns but if the stories they are about to tell is negative then no thanks.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi evelyn,

Like you we had the CD imported into the iPod for the Mrs. But I will take your advice to keep it charged. I intend to bring my speakers from the office for my iPod to the delivery room so the Mrs does not have to have the ear phones stick in her ears.

So, did the book and CD help you? Did you manage to have a quick and easy labour?

Anonymous said...

Hehe unfortunately I wasn't very hardworking with practising prior to the labour, and even when I did listen to the tracks, I would fall asleep minutes later, so I never really did a full cycle!

I had a quick labour, I think. I checked myself into the hospital around 8 or 9am, and I'd delivered by 7+pm. As for easy labour... after my iPod died, I lost my resolve to go drug free as well, and took the epidural. Actually I was coping with the pain, but my gynae wanted to give me a vaginal exam, and that just aggravated the pain. I guess that's why a lot of hypnobirthing students prefer to go with natural birth advocates like TMC's Paul Tseng.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi evelyn,

Like you the Mrs is also not practising her breathing method and listening to the CD.

However I am not going to push her too much. As agreed we will not rule out using eipural completely. So I guess we will only find out during labour.

Unknown said...

i like ur chicken n eagle analogy. it's true tat alot of wat others say will prevent us from achieving wat we set out to do. there's alot of ppl who juz like to put forth negative comments on anything we do or suggest. 1 typical example is my BIL (bro-in-law). watever my hb says, my BIL will immediately be the "wetest blanket in the block". always telling his bro tat he's insensible, cant think on his own, impractical & etc etc. *eyes rolling* hence, the company of ppl whom we are with (family, frens, colleagues, even aquaintances) do matter.

i'm sure both ur Mrs & so many other preggie ladies will have a smooth delivery n fantastic (notwithstanding chubby) babies. :D

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi jj,

Hope you share the eagle and chicken analogy with your husband. I feel the important thing is to know the eagles from the chickens. Once they have been identified, he should only share his plans, ideas and dreams with the eagles.

Like I said in my post, chickens may be good hanging out buddies but they should remain as that.

Don't think we will be having a chubby baby. Will touch on that soon.