Death

Warning: Extremely negative post so you may want to skip this post altogether and come back another time. This is really not meant for most people. Don’t let your curiosity kill your mood. Darling, you should seriously not read this too because I know for a fact that you will not like it. I know you will be curious but seriously I know you will not be able to handle it.

I’m writing this post with a rather heavy heart because I just learnt that a friend of mine was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer only yesterday. Needless to say she and her husband (also a friend) are in a state of shock right now.

She is so young (around 30, I think) and they have a son who is turning 1 in a few months time.

I am feeling so sad now not only because they’re my friends but also because I can relate to a certain extend. We’re all about the same age and had just started a family so I imagine myself being hit with such news I know my world will come crumbling down.

It was only a few weeks back that they were consulting me on their plans to purchase a certain condo and who could have thought then that they will now have to face with arguably the biggest challenge thrown at them thus far.

As I am typing this post they are at the hospital doing all sorts of scans and tests and discussing with the good Doctor on their options and how best to tackle this cancer. There must a million and one things going through their minds right now and I imagine the one thing that she must be thinking of the most right now must surely be “why me?”.

I cannot say that I am at all familiar with cancer, breast cancer or other kinds because thankfully unlike the people around me, I have never had an immediate friend diagnosed with cancer before. That is until now so my experience in this is really nonexistence. Could this also be the reason why I am feeling the way I am now? Because they’re my first?

What is stage 3? How many stages are there? What can be done? How did this happen? Can it be completely removed? What are the options available? Imagine me, a friend and I already have so many questions then what about them?

On one hand I really would like to be with them to show them support and encouragement but at the same time I’m afraid it will be awkward as I do not know what to say. I guess they will probably not appreciate anymore unwanted attention so I’ll let them have their own space for now but will make a conscious effort to check back with her husband regularly.

I am not saying or suggesting that her stage 3 cancer will surely lead to death and of course I am keeping my fingers crossed for them, those of you who are religious do include this friend of mine in your prayers, but as I type away I cannot help but to include the topic on Death that I had wanted to blog about for the longest time so I included it here in the second half of this rather long post.

Darling, this is your final warning before you hit the point of no return!

Recently I understood that people who are most afraid or death are really people with a lot to lose. I have not given it much thought in the past but after I have Isaac I quickly discovered that there is so much more to live for. His first day in school, his fights, his girlfriends and breakups; his first job; his promotion; his wedding and I have not even come to my grandchild yet.

If I were to die tomorrow, there are probably 2 big regrets for me. Firstly, I did not keep up my end of the bargain that I must outlive the Mrs. She has specifically requested for this because she knows that the “luckier” one will get to go first.

Secondly, I will not be able to see Isaac grow up and be involved in the process of his growing up. I cannot see his expressions when he learns that his dad kept a blog on his conception right up to his birth. I would like to see his amazed look when he sees the video capture of him in the Mrs’s tummy. I planned to do this when he is much older and can fully understand the whole picture of course. Or the embarrassments he will get when I show his wife-to-be pictures and videos of him drooling and spitting.

I know the Mrs is not ready to touch on topic like this because she will get all teary every time without fail. I remembered once I told her a few years ago that I had not pledged to donate my organs but this is my wish so in case I die suddenly then she should carry out my wish. I even told her that although she is the sole beneficiary for my insurance payout, she should give some of the money to my parents.

I even went as far as to tell her what I want for my funeral. I think I got this idea from the movie Philadelphia, you know the one that Tom Hanks won Best Actor for portraying a dying man with Aids, that instead of mourning for my death, I want everyone to celebrate my life. Instead of wearing black and dull clothes and being so solemn I prefer for everyone to wear bright and colourful clothes. Play music that I like (although this will be tough since I do not have a distinct preference) and maybe even show montage of my happy pictures with also reference to this blog. Click here to know what I mean.

The Mrs refused to listen and entertain to all that I had to say so she told me to tell someone else. She said I was “crazy” but I know that that was her way of avoiding the subject. So guess what?! I called my sis immediately and told her all my wants and wishes. Well now that this is documented here, guess someone will be able to come back and refer in the (hopefully) not too near future.