Journey

Over the weekend we attended a very nice wedding. It was a church wedding on a Saturday afternoon followed by a dinner reception at the Ritz Carlton on Sunday night.

I have attended church weddings before but this was a little different. To begin with the dress code was lounge suit so almost all the guys there were in suits and some of the ladies, my oh my, came in their nicest Sunday church dresses complete with the floral hats and feather hair pieces. It was like one of those weddings that we often see in movies.

The dinner was just as extravagant and the attendees included an Ambassador, Mediacorp artistes, businessmen and company heads and directors. I was commenting to the Mrs that only with weddings for the people much higher up the social ladder will you be able to get 99% of the men to turn up in suits. I know for a fact that even if I were to host my wedding reception again this weekend and indicate that the dress code is Black Tie, I will have at least 50% of the people ignoring my simple request. It is just not in us the common people. I know my parents’ friends and relatives are people who do not wear suits much less own one.

Anyway it is not my intention to talk about the spectacle of the wedding but rather about the meaning of weddings and marriages.

I have attended many weddings and most of them with the Mrs but somehow the wedding over the weekend “touched” me the most. I believed it has everything to do with the fact that the Mrs and I celebrated our 9th anniversary on Friday, the 19th of September. We got married on the 19.09.1999.

Sitting there in church and listening to the Reverend it felt as if he was talking to the two of us instead of the bride and groom. So many of the things he said made sense. What made the most impression on me was when he told the couple that the marriage is a journey that the two of them chose to embark together. It is 2 people living 1 life and the sooner they realize that there is no perfect marriage and there will be arguments and quarrels then the better it will be for them.

He went on to add that with each other they will fear no rain because in each other they will find shelter. With each other they will not have loneliness because in each other they will find companionship and with each other they will not fear hardship because in each other they will find support. (I have to clarify that what I had typed above was something to the effect of what the Reverend said. Wished I took notes then I can quote him word for word).

During the dinner the Best Man also gave a speech and what he said also made a lot of sense but for the life of me I can’t recall word for word what he said. All I remembered was it was wise and definitely sound advice. Spoken like a true married man I am not sure if the newly weds will be able to grasp as much as I did and if they did then I truly hope they did not forget just as quickly like me.

The Mrs and I are married for 9 years now and on the 7th year everything was smooth sailing as well. There was certainly no itch whatsoever. I am not sure if it is good or no good because over these 9 years our life (2 bodies living 1 life remember?) has been rather uneventful. There were of course the owning and moving into our current place and up until the birth of Isaac the most interesting and exciting things that happened to us were our holidays and cars changing (speaking of which we changed again slightly more than a month ago but that is another story for another day).

I remembered very clearly in my speech during my own wedding 9 years ago, I said that “to find your soul mate (ok, I didn’t use soul mate then but you get the idea) amongst the millions upon millions of people out there is really not easy so we have to really cherish one another”.

Now, I think I understand better that marriage is more than just signing a piece of paper or merging of the 2 families together. If someone who is not married were to ask me today what marriage is, I will tell them that it is a commitment to each other that you will work hard in keeping the marriage alive. It will be mundane at times, it will also be hard and that is why you both have to work doubly hard to keep it exciting and interesting.

After having spent the last 9 years together we have probably taken certain things about each other for granted. Even simple things like we will wake up to find our other half breathing right next to us. I hate to imagine how life will be should I wake up one day to find the Mrs no longer there and I have to continue on with the journey alone.

Each year I will arrange to send the Mrs a bouquet of flowers on our anniversary with a simple message and this year’s was:

To my dearest wife,

Thank you very much for 9 wonderful years and Isaac and now the twins!

Love always

Dylan