Tuesday, 23 March 2010

Favourite

From the moment we brought the twins home we were asked time and again if we have a favourite amongst the 3 kids. Who do we prefer more? Frankly speaking I did question if I will ever have a favourite since it is only human to like something or someone more than others.

There were some concerns from Isaac’s Godma and Grandma that he may be neglected now that he has 2 younger siblings and I am still not sure if we managed to dismiss their unfounded concern after so many months.

My mum’s love and favouritism shown towards Isaac is still unmatched. Everyone can tell that Isaac is clearly her favourite grandchild. We have to monitor though in case things get out of hand. An example happened the other day when Isaac snatched Hayley’s toy causing her to cry and my mum immediately gave another toy to Hayley to try and pacify her. When I saw this I corrected her and returned the original toy to Hayley and told Isaac off. I explained to my mum that Hayley should not have to settle for another toy just because Isaac wanted the first one.

Don’t get me wrong though for Isaac is not the bully at home. He loves his siblings and is ever ready to kiss, hug and sayang them. It is just that when it comes to sharing toys he is not quite there yet. The twins do not fare any better as well and this is an area that we are monitoring and working on. Isaac is still a toddler after all so sometimes he doesn’t understand the full extend of the things that he should not do.

I made him a promise when we know he will be a ‘big’ brother at a young age that he will not miss out on anything from being a toddler. I have always reframed from imposing the responsibilities of an elder brother on him. He is still a big baby to me and he knows that. When I ask him where is daddy’s big baby, he will point to his own head and say “nai”. I want him to grow up at his own pace without having to worry about being a big brother to the twins. Perhaps in another couple of years then he will take on the role gradually.

When the twins were younger they were not showing much of their personalities and characters so there wasn’t much to compare between the 3 children. Some of you readers may not agree to us comparing but I like to think that it is a very natural thing to do. We compare things like the stages of motor skills development to how fast their teeth grow, to their speech development and of course their character and temper. We even compare how much milk they take and at what pace too. The way they sleep and at what time they sleep and how long their nap last.

Now that the twins are a little older the comparison is getting more interesting because their personalities are beginning to show. Take Hayley for example. She has always been the quiet and demure one while Luke is always very demanding and Isaac is well ……… Isaac. Then we begin to wonder if there is any truth to the theory that having more than one hair whorl means a person is “naughtier”. You see, 妹妹 is the only one in the family with 2 hair whorls. But the theory may have some truth after all for these days 妹妹 is certainly no push over. When her brothers take her toys she will scream at them and will try and get them back. Very often her scream is way louder and we can see from her face just how angry they made her. I can already see this girl standing toe to toe against any boy bully in her life.

I have also heard stories that being the middle child in the family is not good. They are often neglected and they grow up aloof and weird in some cases. I personally do not have this experience because people around me are either the eldest or youngest. I don’t believe I have too many friends who are the middle child. So any input from you guys will be helpful.

Note: By Input I do not mean scare so please do not scare us for in case you forgot we have a middle child in Luke! Thank you!

With Luke nicknamed “Blur” didn’t really help the matter too. In his defense he is actually much better now. He smiles a lot more and has many expressions as well but just not in front of the camera. I have posted the below clip to support my case and to help him get rid of that nickname.

video

Now back to age old question of whether or not we have a favourite all I can say is that an experiment I conducted not too long ago probably summed it all up for us.

Back in September the Mrs and I went to Hong Kong for a short getaway without the kids and I remembered wondering out loud to the Mrs if we could find out who we miss more during the trip. I guess I thought if we know who we miss more then that will probably mean we favour that child more. Frankly I am a little surprised but very pleased with the outcome.

20 comments:

Nicole said...

Just like me, your post didn't give a firm conclusion on who you favour more. Haha

I guess like what I mentioned in my post, others will always have their own favourite while the parents themselves usually try to be fairer.

My mum favour Claire more too. I guess their first grandchild will always be the most special. For me, Cleo is my big baby(and last one at that) and she sure do her best behaving like one!

Btw , how Isaac adapting to sch already? Will be sending Cleo to sch but met with some problems that have yet to be iron out...

olivia said...

Isaac looks so cute in that family portrait on the right. The twins look great too.
As for me, I love all my kids. My youngest is a very difficult child but sometimes when he smiles, he's really adorable. It's hard for me to choose. :)

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Nicole,

Actually I did conclude but I referred my conclusion to my earlier post.

I agree that most parents will always try and be fair but I really wonder once they are all older can we prevent from having a favourite.

I think the same goes with my mum for Isaac is the first grandchild. Cleo is the last one? Not trying for a boy?

Isaac has taken to school quite well these days. Almost never cry and will wave bye-bye to us too. You must blog about Cleo's first few days in school ya?

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Olivia,

Thanks for that is the Mrs's favourite family portrait for now.

I'm sure we all love our kids and try and do that equally also. Luke is the most difficult child most of the time and when he smiles he just makes you forget how difficult he is. I totally understand what you're saying.

Nicole said...

Oh, there's a conclusion?? Then I obviously missed it. so what's the conclusion? :)

olivia said...

I feel that we love all of our kids equally but differently. My middle one is the toughie and you can play rough with him. But the youngest (most difficult one) is a papa's and mama's boy, so we tend to carry him most. The oldest, well, he's the oldest. :)
It's great to see your kids growing up. I can't imagine I started reading your blog when Isaac was a chubby baby and the twins were just born.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Nicole,

For the conclusion you have to refer back to my earlier post on my HK trip. We wondered before departing which kid will we miss most while we were away. The theory is whoever we miss and think of most will be our favourite.

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Olivia,

I believe we are getting there but will probably need a few more months to have a better understanding of the twins’ personalities and characters. It will be interesting then with the different parenting style for each kid.

It is quite amazing isn’t it? You readers literally watched my kids grow up. Speaking of which, I am curious to know how many readers who started reading from my very first post are still around. I reckon not many if any at all.

F A I T H said...

Hi Dylan
I am the 2nd of 4 children, but I don't think middle children are aloof or weird. We are probably the most creative ones (in terms of trying to get some attention, kekeke...) and independent ones. I'm very sure my siblings will all agree that I've the stronger character and I'm the most independent among them. I believe it also depends on how the others around you view/treat you as you grow.

Anyway, I had a few friends who are middle child and we are all different (and definitely normal). So I think there is absolutely nothing to worry about. Luke willl turn out a fine kid. Believe me. ^.^

Cheers
Faith

Trina said...

There's always something special about being a firstborn.. perhaps all new experiences of being a parent were with him/her... something like 初恋 always has a special place in our hearts?

But i think at least for me it is not very clear cut on who's the favourite.. I miss either, or both of them, on different occasions.. :)

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Faith,

Hmmm…. you may be right about the creative part for Luke is certainly the more difficult child so far. He is certainly getting the attention. Hahahaha

Thanks for your reassurance that middle child will not necessary grow up aloof or weird.

Anyway we will definitely treat and love them all equally.

Cheers

Dylan

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Trina,

I think you are right about the first born being that little bit more special and I agree that it is mainly due to the experience and not so much on the child itself. Er…… I don’t I can comment on the 初恋 bit for the Mrs reads the comments page on this blog as well. Hahahaha

I believe it will be harder for parents to have a clear favourite while the kids are still young. Maybe when they are in their teens that’s when I think the differences between the kids will be more obvious. Guess I’ll let the future me worry about that and have the present me enjoy what I have now.

The Bimbo said...

OMG now I know why I grew up aloof and weird!! I'm the middle one! s***

I'm so glad you make an effort to show that you treat them equally. I think that's very important really. Most parents of our generation don't seem so good at that... :) *cheers*

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Bobo,

Just when the others assured me that Luke will turn out just fine you have to admit you’re aloof and weird. Thanks ya! Hahahaha

As for making an effort to treat them equally it will be a long and continuous effort on our part. Not going to be easy since we have 3 kids. Guess we’ll see how things are when they are older.

Nicole said...

Actually I'm asking about the conclusion on who is your Dave.

And, there's really nothing to worry even if there's certain truth in being alroof and weird in the middle child. Everyone have our own unique( just like everyone else) personality and character. As long as they are shower with love and concern, I don't see how it will affect them. Character is something that comes in a package when they are born.

Again, I am lagging behind my blog. Busy potty training ms Cleo now... *sweat*

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Nicole,

My conclusion is that from the HK trip we realized them that we missed them all the same and for various reasons. This helped us conclude that we probably do not have a favourite at least not at this point in time.

I know they will all be unique in their own way and we will love them for that so I am actually not too worried. In any case Luke is showing he is no different from his siblings. Just as naughty and fun all the time.

I saw from your facebook Cleo is making good progress in the potty training department. Isaac is still trying to hit 100% on the big business. So far he will tell us about 80% – 90% of the time that he needs to go poo poo.

Nicole said...

Oh great! So Isaac also go diaperless already? Cool! Cleo and Isaac is along the same development milestone! 

it's always nice to share notes isn't it? 

A Husband's Voice said...

Hi Nicole,

Unfortunately Isaac hasn't gone diaperless yet. We are now training him to tell us in advance whenever he wants to poo and he will be brought to the toilet bowl. The success rate is only about 80%.

Once he has achieved 100% we will then teach him to tell us when he needs to pee.

He is definitely behind Cleo.

Nicole said...

Maybe you can try to potty train him already.

Back then before I start, ms Cleo won't even tell me that she pee or poo. I just went ahead and try. Since Isaac can tell you that he wanna poo beforehand, it's an indication that he might be ready. No harm trying. If he is not ready, try again in another few months but I doubt there's a need. Isaac sounds ready.

It can boost independence and also save on diapers( since 3 precious all need it). And he will love wearing briefs with his gave cartoons. Cleo loves to show off her panties, showing us what cartoon she wears for the day! Lol

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